You know those moments when you wake up with a sense of urgency; where you are startled, slightly confused, but quite certain there’s something important for you to do? Yeah, I just had that experience; I was startled awake by a sense that it was Monday; a school day. And just as I was getting excited, (because, let’s face it, the kids have been driving me up the wall all weekend), I remembered that there was no school today. The second 3-day weekend in a row; another teacher institute day, (I honestly think this day is an excuse for teachers to get together and get drunk every month; bastards).
My stepdaughter has developed a teen-sized attitude; it’s kind of cute how she thinks she’s all big and bad and tender age of 11. Poor thing doesn’t realize that when she voices her objections, (to anything she may be asked to clean up), her voice reaches the pitch of a whiny toddler; which is something I tend to tune out as long as there are no toddlers in the house. I do think, however, that her ability to burst into tearful dramatics and the drop of a hat could lead to a career in soap operas.
I first met the girl when she was four; she was cute then. Though I was concerned about her name; Grace. I’m against people naming their children after a virtue; It’s a lot to live up to. To be honest, everyone I have ever met that was named after a virtue was pretty much the complete opposite of their name: In high school, the principals daughter was named Charity… talk about hateful bitches…. On the plus side, I’m ever so thankful they didn’t name her Chastity.
In hopes of trying to relate, I think back on when I was 11, (holy crap! was that twenty friggin’ years already!!!! I’m going to go cry now), and in 6th grade. I can recall bits and pieces but, I’m starting to believe that my mind has blocked it all. What I can recall, (with astounding clarity), is that was year the popular clique rose up and declared dominance over any and all brunettes with fat hips, ( I was so screwed). So, now that I have brought up past trauma, (and once again sleep in the fetal position), I try to reach out and be understanding. This lasts all of 5 minutes; when I can’t convince the girl that whining and tattling is not the best route she could be taking, ( I personally took the head down and don’t draw attention to yourself, until you snap one day during 8th grade English and you stand up and call all your classmates, “self-absorbed little bastards” route). Here’s the thing, my stepdaughter and I have clashing personalities and we honestly find it hard to fathom where the other is coming from.
I do attempt to be understanding and all that nicey nice crap, really I do! I come from a very sarcastic family the greatly resembled the sitcom Roseanne; sarcasm is the first defense to any situation. Grace is starting to pick up the concept of sarcasm though she greatly struggles. I think its a genetic thing; my six year old son seems to have taken to being a smart-ass effortlessly. I also suffer from verbal diarrhea and lack the filter between my mind and my mouth, (I also lack the funds to go back on my ADD meds), Grace seems to suffer the same malady and least she’s young enough to be excused. The only explanation I have for my total regression in behavior is, six and half years of being a SAHM and daily exposure to children’s programming, that has not only robbed me of any social skills I might of had but, has also caused quite a few brain cells to die off.
I live with a pre-teen; it’s a scary thing and I think it might require constant prayer… or perhaps a shot of Jack Daniels.
Referring to your children as “the changelings” may not be the nicest thing you could do but, it’s still better than calling them “demon spawn”… I think…