THE KIDS GO BACK TO SCHOOL TODAY! 

I love to sing this to my kids; they get so huffy and offended.

The kids really should be up and getting ready for school by now but, I really don’t want to wake them.  I want to indulge in a peaceful house for as long as I can in the morning.

The kids are acting like demon spawn today.  As they were driving me insane at the grocery store I made sure to mention that I only brought them out in public because people see them as effective birth control.  Doing my part to control population growth through terrorizing innocent shoppers.  On the plus side the grocery store was giving out samples of alcohol.

Bob: “Why were you scared last night?”
Jake: “Because of the killer”
Me: “Which one? The one from scream or Micheal Myers?”
Jake: “F**king Myers”
Me and Bob: …
Me: “That’s MICHEAL Myers, buddy.”
Jake: “Oh”